Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i out mim tonsoeep
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