just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
