come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
