he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
