so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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