we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
