I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sex in a hospital.. check
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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