Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
