Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
