god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
