Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
