my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
