On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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