I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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