Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
