ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
