this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
