We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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