when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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