Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
