she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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