just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
