the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize