I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
someone owes me an orgasm
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
