4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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