How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize