Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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