At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
