God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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