I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize