so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
