So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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