a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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