Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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