I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And then he peed in my hair
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