Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
