Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
