i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
