3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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