I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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