I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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