Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I didn't notice because vodka
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
