some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
