"it" just moved
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
