I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
