You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
