Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
