The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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