Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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