What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
