So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
