Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
