I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
