arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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