I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
