hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
